The previous weekend had been filled with Jesus time, watching Him work as only He can to heal and fill. Precious times had been experienced watching the Holy Spirit move. So how could the following week be so wrought with disappointment? How could I slip so quickly into being paralyzed with sadness? As I unpacked and re-packed, my mama’s heart knew it was going to be hard to leave again for another weekend away but I had committed and knew that the training and time with co-workers would be as rich as the past weekend had been and that Jesus could weave himself right into this time as well. As doors began to close and the reality that I couldn’t go sunk in, my attitude sunk deeper into sadness. The disappointment I felt was at a depth I had not been before. I tried to reason with myself, remind my heart that I’d been disappointed before in much larger ways, losses that meant huge life changes and losses of trust in relationships but for whatever reason, this disappointment coupled with my physically tired body just hit hard. For two days, I went through the motions while exerting the minimum effort and engaging in as few conversations as possible. Sleep overtook me every time I sat down. Finally on the third day I reached out and confessed to a friend the need I had for prayer. As I heard God saying obey with submission and do it with a right heart, I knew I had to give over my bad attitude and know that God had closed the doors for me to go for my own good, even though I could argue my own facts as to why it seemed good to me to be there. As I laid down my own desires and submitted my heart, I could feel God gently blowing the cloud of disappointment up and away from me. My whole being felt released and I began to praise Him for loving me enough not to turn away from me while I had my ill-mannered, silent temper tantrum of disappointment. His love swept over me with overwhelming warmth, powerfully replacing any sadness with His abiding joyful breath.